An Irishman, an Englishman and a Scotsman go into a pub. Each orders a pint of ******ss. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and land-- one, two, three-- in each of the pints. The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another. The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.
The Irishman reaches in to the glass, grabs the fly between his fingers and shakes him as hard as he can, shouting 'Spit it out, ya bloody bastard! Spit it out!'
From the Irish in me to you, have a great day all.
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya."
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the ******ss brewery..."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me...."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry." Finally, she looked up at Tim.
"How did it happen, Tim?"
"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of ******ss Stout and drowned."
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, no Brenda... no. Fact is, he got out three times to pee."
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There once were three brothers who lived in Ireland and they were the closest of brothers. One day it came to pass that one of the brothers was heading to the Americas to live and work. The three all bowed their heads and said a little something, they nodded and the youngest brother went off to America.
When the brother reached America, he immediately sought out his neighborhood bar. When he approached the bartender, he proceeded to order three ******ss pints. As the bartender looked around for the "other two", he shook his head and poured the pints. The foreigner sat down with his three pints and drank from them one sip at a time in a clockwise circle.
This went on for many weeks, until one day, pressed by the local patrons, the bartender asked the man, "Why is it you order three pints of ******ss and drink them in a circle?"
The brother replied in a thick, Irish brogue, "When I left Ireland, me brothers and I made a pact that we would always drink a pint of ******ss for the brothers who were not there!"
The bartender took this news back to the locals and the crowd was pleased. But one day, the Irishman walked into the bar and ordered but two ******ss pints. The entire bar went silent as the bartender poured the beer. As he handed the pints to the man they had come to know, he bowed his head and said, "I want you to know that we are sorry for your loss."
The Irishman looked at the bartender with a confused look and the bartender explained, "Well, you know...we assumed since you had only ordered two pints that one of your brothers had passed."
But the Irishman just looked at him and said in the most serious of tones, "Oh no. I just quit drinking!"
Was she born in Ireland? ;) My great gran was, I dont consider myself Irish at all but thats the old world for ya. Do ppl celebrate St George's/Davids/Andrews day there or what?
btw St Paddy was a Welshman. Irritates me that St Patricks day is bigger in Wales than St David's day mainly because of ******ss and their fake Irish theme pubs/huge advertising budget.