well not really sure where to start here, but currently I'm sitting in a meeting at work, getting really bored. as you can see, my mind is somewhere else (i just hope they dont ask me something related to work, otherwise...).
anyhow, i just want to know if there are others out there like me that experience similar emotions. i'm married and sometimes i tend to "ignore" the stuff that i'm suppose to do around the house, and play L2. i always say to myself that once i've kids i'll slow down (give up some of my playing time), but i dont know, i think something is wrong with me aka need to join gamers anonymous meetings.
all last week, at work, i spend most of my time here at the forums trying to learn new things to do in L2. then at home, most of the time its L2. i mean i'm starting to feel bad for the wifey. now i'm pretty sure, in a few minutes, my behind will get flamed, "stop playing then!" "quit!" "pay attention to the spouse!"
all that is fair but just too **** hard to give up, i just cant go cold turkey on my L2. specially, when i've just acquired +7 107s two days ago. you mean to tell me to not try out my duals and go get some groceries done !?! awww maaaaan...
alright fine, its time to get outta this meeting anyways. will update later.
The way I deal with this is I set aside one evening (the evening my wife visits her mother) as game night. Any other night of the week if my wife wants me to do something besides play L2 I will do what she wants.
I consider Playing Lineage 2 == TV time. If you would have been a potatoe during this time, you are not doing anything bad. If you didn't do the dishes and clean up from the fun last night, then you just have a dirty house. If your life partner is at the door with suitcases and the animals, well, come play some lineage and kill a few reds. It will at least make you feel better...
Ok, I am a huge lineage player well until the last week, i slowed down and im kinda on a hiatus. My husband also plays and plays alot. Its very hard to give it up because i have had to do it in the past. Last year around this time I cussed the hubby out head to toe about cutting down his lineage 2 time and then he ups and quits cold turkey for 2 months. I just wanted him to spend time with me and our 2 girls, big mistake. Him and I need Lineage 2, we play together but honestly get us away from real life issues. (such as paying bills or money, ya know crappy shiat) We get time together and we get time with each other. I mean this isnt our only time that we get together, we go out to movies and such w/o the kids, but having lineage time together or him alone playing lineage destresses him and gives him a hobby. I would rather my hubby playing lineage than being out everynight with the "guys" or a drinking or drug habit.
Like me I dont play each night until at least my kids are settled down and watching a tv or asleep already. Just take some time each night to be with your wife and make time for her. Dont give up lineage and take it from me, im a girl and i know these things, do something special for her and make linieage a hobby not a full time job :)
Good luck and see ya around
Sherry aka Physcomatrix
Ok I am going to be serious with you here. I am not married but I have lots of things I should be doing and paying attention too instead of L2, and your feelings are the same I feel lots of times.
L2 can be a bad habbit/addiction. It wants you to play forever and ever. But in the end it really means nothing. Any day the servers can just be shut down and you will feel even more sorry that you wasted time you could have been building relationships and actually doing something in RL that will matter 5 years down the road.
I now even find myself sometimes when I can't play L2 either looking at forums of L2 or whatever, even playing a different game. This game has gotten me addicted to the PC, in an unhealthy way.
Anyway how do you fix your problem. Well you could go to a rehab type clinic. I know it sounds odd, but gamming can be bad of an addiction as any other. And yes, even drugs, because sitting in front of a PC screen for hours and hours isn't healthy either and it can screw you up mentally.
There is also something else you can do. You can either just stop your subscription but nothing will stop you from just resubscribing. If it is really bad and your wife is complaining to you about it, then yes plz stop now! Uninstall the game and throw out the disks. Unless overenchanted duals are more importaint than the woman you are suppose to love, just get the game out of you life. If it isn't that bad yet. Just set aside a few nights a week for only like a few hours. Like 2 hours on a weekday and like 3 hours on Friday and Saturday, as long as you gave your family attention.
Also don't forget to talk to your wife about it. Tell her that you think you are addicted to L2. If she is understanding I am sure she can help you out. ;)
Anyway hope all goes well for you, and that you feel good about your choice.
After seeing how much fun I had on Lineage, my wife started an account (this was about a year ago). This is now included as part of the "our" time together. Before we had kids, we used to go to movies and other entertainment all the time, but it gets hard to do with kids. So now, Lineage is our entertainment after the kids go to bed.
Now don't get me wrong...this isn't all we do. We still go out as a family, go on vacations and whatnot. But really, Lineage is cheap entertainment, and if the wifey enjoys it too, it's a great thing!
I would rather my hubby playing lineage than being out everynight with the "guys" or a drinking or drug habit.
totally agree :) that is what i tell her too. now its not that i do this 24/7, we do all the normal things, go to the movies, the park if the weather is nice, shopping (yes together at the mall), you know all the regular things. and she rarely complains, i just feel bad myself.
to everyone else that responded, ty, agree with everyone.
and yeah sometimes when i cant play or the servers are down, i think to myself that man, i just waisted such and such hours on this thing when i could've been doing something worthwhile (like actually sitting down and start studying for my god **** GMATS, so i can apply to b-school), but oh no no! L2 baby yeah!!! rocKin !!!
i gotta get my wife into this whole gaming thingy soon =)
(ps did i mention that i got another account last week so i could use the second one as a buffer... Lord help us!)
My first marriage suffered bad in the late 90's from the Age of Empire games. Thats pretty much all I did. I admit I was pretty selfish back then. I got home from work, fed kids and played on the comp. That marriage didnt last. Before I got deployed I spent about 4 to 5 hours each night playing Lineage. My current spouse didnt mind because I wasent out at the bars and I stayed home. Friends would come over to hang out and watch a movie and I played on the comp. I cut my game time to getting up at about 4:00 a.m. and playing in the mornings while she slept. Then she got into the game and I was forced to buy a laptop. We pretty much played together all the time from then on. Unfortunately this past password issue she lost her account and we havent gotten a response back. I have been away for 9 months now and we cant play together anymore. That bites. If she cant get her account back she is done. sad times. But for the most part I am lucky she puts up with my gaming. All it took was for me to get her a 42 inch plasma for the PS2 and we live by the quote "A family that games together stays together"
hmm lots of volks watch TV/Movie i play Lineage whats the difrance
but it's true a computer game can be very additive i even readed it can be even wurse then drug's but so long you can turn of your PC i dont think you have to wurry
When real life issues come up, you learn how much more important life is than the game. I've recently gone through this with some health related issues and the break up of my 5 plus year relationship (and no it wasn't L2 related). It puts things in perspective.
I love the game and I'll continue playing it as long as I still love it, but life has to come first.
In the end, would it make you happy to have them put "Over enchanted Duals" on your tombstone? As said above...tomorrow NCSoft could pull the plug and it would all be gone.
Now that said... I don't know what I would have done recently without the support of the people I've met on line. They've helped keep me sane and made the pain managable. But in the end, that's not the game, it's the people.
People are what matters. Your partner may not tell you that they are unhappy with the amount of time you spend in game. You have to show them they are more important to you.
...tomorrow NCSoft could pull the plug and it would all be gone.
Yep. And life would continue on as it did before Lineage. My wife and I still have our hobbies; we like to play board games and watch movies, etc. I've also made friends in-game that I have met IRL and we've become good friends outside of the game. These relationships will continue long after Lineage is gone.
RL > Lineage. It's when Lineage > RL that you start to have problems. As long as the priorities are kept in order, you won't have a problem.
I always ask myself a simple question - am I running from the dishes, or to L2? As long as the answer is from, I'm fine.
As for "what L2 gives me" - I make it a principle neither to post nor to play when I'm not enjoying myself (this being part of the reason I'll probably not get high level, except if my spite turns into serious motivation). I think there's nothing more precious one can do with one's life than to enjoy oneself, so in all honesty, achievements aside, I can't think of L2 as "wasting" my time.
The fact that you recognize that you have a problem is the first step in correcting said problem.
If you are feeling guilty and not your spouse making you feel guilty, then that is correctable. You can limit your game time. I am married with two kids. I sometimes get lost in L2, but for the most part, I am available to my family and I know that events in meatspace are way more important than pixels on the screen.
It's entertainment. It's a game. Enjoy the time you play. If it becomes a burden or is not fun anymore, it's time to stop playing.
Well good to hear that it isn't a 24/7 thing. If you still spend time with your family you are doing fine imo. If your family starts saying they are feeling neglected then it is bad. If you yourself feel you are playing too much, well don't beat yourself up over it, play a little less. L2 is just a game. It dosn't matter.
Just don't ignore those who love you in RL. They are the ones that will stick with you in the long run, and those that truely care for you.
If you think you are missing out on some RL stuff, well do those RL things. If the game is causing you guilt this isn't good either.
Just remember moderation is key. And L2 is suppose to be a game activity that is to be done to reward yourself for working a hard day and doing all the things you are suppose to. Belive me, gamming becomes MUCH MUCH more rewarding when you can easily say, hey I got some free time and the kids are in bed and the wife is doing whatever...soooo time to play L2.
For example, I don't even have cable television. Instead of watching TV in my spare time I use the internet and of course L2. Basically the L2 subscription and the ISP cost is still cheaper than cable subscription. Now if I woke up in the morning and played l2 all day and ignored RL like eating, homework. You know, the type of thing when you ask yourself "so what did I do today" and you respond "well I make 40% at lvl 70" That isn't too good...lol. (I will admit I have done this a few times in the past, something I am not so proud of)
If anything you do in life negatively effects your relationship with 1. family, 2. friends, 3. work.. there is a problem
if you feel guilty about how your actions are effecting any of the above, you've already come to that conclusion.
come to the realization that the game isnt going anywhere. gamers and friends you meet online are a lot more forgiving then family, friends, work. WE understand. Its part of becoming a responsible part of society
as far as wether or not anyone has said anything to you about any of this is totally irrelevant. if you feel your not contributing.. guess what? you arent contributing as much as you would either like, or are expected.
How about mentioning your hardcore gaming habits in front of your family with sarcasm, see what they say. They may not consider it a problem at all. If they see you're happy with it, and your not missing out on life.. whos the victim?
then again, theres people that get a guilty feeling when they are happy. like they dont deserve to feel that way. and thats another matter all together.
well TY all for your comments here, definitely makes me feel much better. and so far i havent heard any complains from my RL people (friends, family, etc.). i guess i'm fine then, was just feeling this way for a few days, but after reading everyone's insights here, i guess i'm not alone, as long as everything is kept in check.
ty and god bless.
(last but not least, anyone willing to party on hindemith, gimme a shout)
I wish my wife played or had an interest in playing, she hates it and has hated it every day of the two years I have been playing it. I neglect shiat in the house forsure and the kids and everyday life. I skip out on gatherings to play. It's bad but I feelbad about it 30% of the time, the other 70% I'm emotionless.
I started playing this when my husband would work from 2-11pm, I was alone at home for hours anyway so after the kid went to bed I would play 8-10 or 11 or so. I only play after everything else is done but he still hates it. Now that he has normal work hours he expected me to just drop it and I wouldn't. This is what I like to do, and since I finish everything else I'm supposed to do , no one gets to tell me what I'll do in my free time.
I wish my wife played or had an interest in playing, she hates it and has hated it every day of the two years I have been playing it. I neglect shiat in the house forsure and the kids and everyday life. I skip out on gatherings to play. It's bad but I feelbad about it 30% of the time, the other 70% I'm emotionless.
Just so you know that isn't good! For one, you actually never stated you enjoyed it. And second your significant other dosn't like it when you play it. So what are you trying to accomplish if all this is true? This is not the the road to success, and quite likewise it is the road to self destruction. Maybe spend time with the wife and kids, along with doing your duties first.
I know it may be harsh, but if you are ignoring what is really happening around you, that is the same that alcholics and drug abusers do. So if you can't quit it or get your play time in check, drop it. Totally get the game out of your life. If you still can't get it out of your life, maybe seeking out a professional that can help you would be your best bet.
Plus if most of the time you are emotionless, this is also something you might want to look into. I know, I have felt it before, and it just makes life seem like shades of grey. And it can be so much better!
Just a small suggestion, dont try to hard to be a man. There is nothing wrong with being a little emotional when it comes to your wife and kids. I mean come on you fell in love and such right?? Most men, as stating from being around a lot of men, try to be so manly and make themselves tougher than they really are. I know this must be a man thing but Im just sayin it seems to be a honest thread, if your manlyness is your priority then you will loose the ones you love. Such as choosing a video game over the loves of your life. Like others have stated Lineage 2 will be here for awhile but the loves of your life will be there always, as long as you show the love back. :)
Take the time outta your day to show the ones you love that you do care or one day the ones you love wont be there anymore.
Oh forgot to say, maybe i am a weird wife or such, but I try to envolve myself in alot of what my husband does. Like he love his 1970 ford torino. I go out in the garage and talk to him and get into what hes working on. He also like to go muddin and four weelin, i go with him to do that. Lineage, well i got into it because he got me hooked. I love him so I love the things he does...just a small suggestion, if you love someone learn to love what they do also, within reason of course hehe
That was a little of subject but thought that i would state it for the record :)
well not really sure where to start here, but currently I'm sitting in a meeting at work, getting really bored. as you can see, my mind is somewhere else (i just hope they dont ask me something related to work, otherwise...).
anyhow, i just want to know if there are others out there like me that experience similar emotions. i'm married and sometimes i tend to "ignore" the stuff that i'm suppose to do around the house, and play L2. i always say to myself that once i've kids i'll slow down (give up some of my playing time), but i dont know, i think something is wrong with me aka need to join gamers anonymous meetings.
all last week, at work, i spend most of my time here at the forums trying to learn new things to do in L2. then at home, most of the time its L2. i mean i'm starting to feel bad for the wifey. now i'm pretty sure, in a few minutes, my behind will get flamed, "stop playing then!" "quit!" "pay attention to the spouse!"
all that is fair but just too **** hard to give up, i just cant go cold turkey on my L2. specially, when i've just acquired +7 107s two days ago. you mean to tell me to not try out my duals and go get some groceries done !?! awww maaaaan...
alright fine, its time to get outta this meeting anyways. will update later.
:confused:
Ok, first off.... once you are/have a, married, b, kids, C, house, D, promotion, E, "fill in the blank" then nothing changes other than you are the same person with a marriage, kids, house, promotion or "fill in the blank".
The problem is that people see how others "are" and they just assume that that is the way one should be. Oftentimes they allow themselves to be steered to a decision by others, whether it is a spouse, sibling, parents, employer, etc.
your life is unique. You design your life and are responsible for it. As long as you can pay your bills, own up to the responsibilites that you signed up for (marriage, house, kids etc) then the rest is up to you.
Maybe your life is destined to be something different.
I know mine is. I don't have any children nor do I want any. I make sure my job pays enough to allow me to live a certain lifestyle but not so much that it takes up my time or requires me to stay very late or on weekends. I have time to write when I do and play when I want to (whatever that is ;) )
I don't have a car and don't want one. I live in a city and that takes care of transportation. I am all for being married but not to someone who doesn't share my lifestyle. Hence I only date women who don't want children, love living in a city etc.
Why do I tell you this? Because I could have fell into another life and then woke up and realized it was wrong for me. I could have been married by now, family, lucrative job at IBM etc. But I chose the life of a "responsible" artist. And I couldn't be happier.
I have very little to no stress. Seriously. I do what I want when I want. I do take care of things that matter like cleaning or laundry but on my terms. I never feel guilty for eating out or not filing or mopping the floor.
so... before you start to compare your life to others or force it into a mold that someone else has created for you, wake up and take control of it. Live the life that you enjoy. Remember, history is full of people who decided that they were going to go their own way. They were inventors, writers, artists, statesmen, Radicals, Investors etc.
Do not live a life that you don't want. There are plenty of people who will be more than happy to make you feel guilty for not being what they think you should be. But in the end... you have to live with the result. So be and adult and only take on what you can take on and that you can do well.
Imagine having children and realizing you don't want them? Imagine being a banker and realizing you should have been a pilot. Imagine being a poet and realizing that that was a very wrong turn in the road and you should have paid more attention in school and become a teacher.
Do not live a life of regret. Be mindful of the people in your life. Give to them what they deserve. And then give to yourself what you deserve. But do not live a lie. The world is full of too many bitter people who do that already.
Imagine having children and realizing you don't want them? Imagine being a banker and realizing you should have been a pilot. Imagine being a poet and realizign that that was a very wrong turn in the road and you should have paid more attention in school and become a teacher.
Also remember you don't have to be the banker forever either. If you arnen't happy with it, change it.
It is like me for example. I am going to college, dunno why I am really going, except it would be nice to complete it! So I get some experience, then with that experience go into the world. Now once experiencing the world I now may find something I wish to be, and may become that. So many people stay in situations that make them unhappy, and this is something I still can not understand about the human condition.
Oh yea, of course if you have kids and you don't want them that was probally bad planning on your part. But you might as well be the best father/mother that you can be...because kids are actually worth it in the end...even tho some may not agree. Like right now, I definately don't want kids...but down the road who knows....things change.
The thing that is also importaint is not to let fear control your life. It may sound strange, but you don't want to miss out on things because you were afraid of them.
But exactly, you have to lead your own life. But in order to do so you must follow your feelings. If you are happy more than not, then it would seem you are doing what is best for you. You know...the thing that people say..."let your concious be your guide."
Also remember you don't have to be the banker forever either. If you arnen't happy with it, change it.
Absolutely true.
It is like me for example. I am going to college, dunno why I am really going, except it would be nice to complete it!
Young man, Finish college! That is the one thing that I can't praise enough is having a degree. Sure, you can also start your own business and work hard and succeed. No reason why you can't. But as for maybe wanting to change your mind, a degree in anything will at least allow you to do that.
Most jobs require some sort of college. A college degree is like a high school diploma was for our parents. Well... I'm older so MY parents. :o
So many people stay in situations that make them unhappy, and this is something I still can not understand about the human condition.
It's because it is scarier to radically change one's life then to stay in what you know. Even if it is awful.
Oh yea, of course if you have kids and you don't want them that was probally bad planning on your part. But you might as well be the best father/mother that you can be...
Some people are actually not capable of this. Really. Most can strive to be good parents but there are some who really should never be parents, aside from not wanting to be one.
because kids are actually worth it in the end...
Sorry friend but believe it or not, there is a whole slew of people who would rather cut their arms off then agree with this one. but bless you as you will most likely be an awsome parent if you choose that route.
even tho some may not agree. Like right now, I definately don't want kids...but down the road who knows....things change.
They do change but it is important to know that one should change when they are ready. One should never just embark upon something with the idea that they don't want it now but someday they "may". The best you can do is be flexible and open to your life. But it sounds to me that you are on that route already.
The thing that is also importaint is not to let fear control your life. It may sound strange, but you don't want to miss out on things because you were afraid of them.
Bless you again. I became a Harpist on a whim because I wanted to. Made my living doign it too. Was a classical guitarist but thought that I would just do it and not let the fear get to me. Great memories there. How many people have played in a Symphony Orchestra? Or were hired to play on an avante Garde CD? Now I compose music and absolutely love it. Always open to what life leads me. As long as I treat those in my life with respect.
Now, stop reading my post and go... FINISH COLLEGE!!! :D
I work nights so I use to play after I got off work for an hour or 2. When school is out everyone is home all the time kids and wife she works for the school. So in the summer time I have little time to play so I set in giran and sell almost exclusivley.
Now that school is about to start I will be getting up and playing about 4 hours a day in the morning before work. Will be nice to get back out there grinding. But since I wont see my family during the week I wont be doing much playing on the weekends which sucks because that when all the fun goes on.
I just hope the new job I am getting soon doesn't take me totaly away from the game. Take it from experience the older you get the better the games get. Unfortunatley the hunny do list gets alot longer too. It's definatley a delicate balancing act when your wife wants nothing to do with computers except email and finding the latest sell at the mall.
I been playing since open beta. I am married and my wife and I had our first kid in February 05. I try to play when they are sleeping and or gone. I work grave shift so I stay up late on my days off and play while they sleep. But some times it is hard and yes my wife does get mad at me some times when she feels I am spending too much time on L2. I try to justify it as TV time as I don’t watch TV as I would much rather play L2. I some times try to skip a day or 2 during the week to spnd time with them or just play a few hours on my busy work days when I do play so I still have time to spend with my Son and wife but it’s hard to balance it all sometimes.
I been playing since open beta. I am married and my wife and I had our first kid in February 05. I try to play when they are sleeping and or gone. I work grave shift so I stay up late on my days off and play while they sleep. But some times it is hard and yes my wife does get mad at me some times when she feels I am spending too much time on L2. I try to justify it as TV time as I don’t watch TV as I would much rather play L2. I some times try to skip a day or 2 during the week to spnd time with them or just play a few hours on my busy work days when I do play so I still have time to spend with my Son and wife but it’s hard to balance it all sometimes.
Very nice read. Thanks.
Actually I feel guilty when I don't play. I feel for all the peeps that would want to do more of what we did, but there is just such Darkmotion in a day.
Imagine having children and realizing you don't want them? Imagine being a banker and realizing you should have been a pilot. Imagine being a poet and realizign that that was a very wrong turn in the road and you should have paid more attention in school and become a teacher.
Also remember you don't have to be the banker forever either. If you arnen't happy with it, change it.
It is like me for example. I am going to college, dunno why I am really going, except it would be nice to complete it! So I get some experience, then with that experience go into the world. Now once experiencing the world I now may find something I wish to be, and may become that. So many people stay in situations that make them unhappy, and this is something I still can not understand about the human condition.
Oh yea, of course if you have kids and you don't want them that was probally bad planning on your part. But you might as well be the best father/mother that you can be...because kids are actually worth it in the end...even tho some may not agree. Like right now, I definately don't want kids...but down the road who knows....things change.
The thing that is also importaint is not to let fear control your life. It may sound strange, but you don't want to miss out on things because you were afraid of them.
But exactly, you have to lead your own life. But in order to do so you must follow your feelings. If you are happy more than not, then it would seem you are doing what is best for you. You know...the thing that people say..."let your concious be your guide."
I'm cerrently am a college student.
I see the pull that L2 has on me, and the amont of time I spend on it, and thinking about it too out way more importent RL issues.
There comes a time when you just have to back off.
If I didn't play L2 I'd be out at the bars meeting women, getting drunk. but on the + side, I'm not one of them drunk drivers out on the roads.
Sure I could spend more time studying, doing my own laundry, dishes (which I did do today), homework, or just tring to get a job.
While I was at school tonight one of my friends said that they are looking for someone that knows more about certain software things then the guy they have doing it, So knowing I need a job I jumped on it at first mention of something I think I know just a lil bit about.
I got out of my home this past weekend and went to baltimore for a anime convintion. I meet alot of poeple, and had alot of fun.
I just don't think I'm going to let L2 control my life as much as I've been letting it. It can gain control if you let it. L2 is very much like a drug.
some may not agree with me, some do.
I do love alot of people in the community here, I've meet alot of people, and L2 really does change you, I know that I'm less pure as I thought I was when I first started playing L2, and I think it makes me a better person, even if those that I knewest to be friends with don't believe the same as me.
Nooooo!!!! The real world is cold and scary and unfriendly!!! Stay in college as long as you can!! Change your major! Do it now!!!! :eek:
Actually... I changed my major twice! :o
Ditto. Started out as a bio major (wanted to be a pediatrician), that didnt go too well. Ended up getting a BSc in Info Tech. And now since I sit in front of a PC at work, I can check out the forums at the same time!!!
...oh right...sorry started to get side tracked again...
**** u L2!