Think before you speak... (JOKE)

Off-Topic Started Last reply 10 posts
Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak - the last one is great! Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back. Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....

FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word...he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY:
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thin g I heard as the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No". I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clean clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "N o," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. So, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. Older couples made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!


LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This one had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow, but don't get any? We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't ,turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you pr omised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, they were laughing so hard!
lol that was great, thanks. :)
When asking around my workplace for information about obtaining firewood for the winter I made this memorable quote to a female co-worker.

"Have you ever got wood?"

I quickly closed my mouth, but alas to late everyone in the office started laughing and I ended up in the quote book.
*snort*


Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back.


Daily...
Thanks for a good laugh today :)
When i was about 5 or 7 years old i asked my mother where kids came from, and she told me the truth about it. And i mean EVERYTHING in DETAIL. I puked right on that spot and she has never let me forget that ever since.
Funny stories.

Of course, when I say stuff that makes others burst out laughing, I laugh with them and never wish I wouldn't say that. I just don't see the point in taking myself too seriously. :)

The only time I wish I had shut up is when I just hurt someone.
Not so much think before you speak but what children say that make you want to crawl into the nearest hole - didn't happen to me, it was a story I heard and never forgot.


A woman was out with her 5 year old daughter one day and decided to stop for something to eat at a local cafe.

A few minutes after they had ordered her little girl announced to a full cafe at the top of her lungs "Mummy I haven't got a forkin knife"

As all heads turned with horrified look the mother desperately stammed "She said Fork and Knife"

:D
o.O This is great!!!! ahahahaha!!! one day while typing in clan chat, my brother was explaining wow messed up our mouse was. he switched to ally chat on the wrong sentence and typed "You have to hit it hard sometimes". that got some odd responses :p

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No". I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clean clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "N o," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. So, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. Older couples made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!




that one was pretty funny.

I also injoyed the anchor women comment.

but I didn't think that first joke was all that well.

But yeah there is times when I'd wish I had said something differently then I had done so.